So, here's the kicker...next assignment: Take the 25 qualities that are important to you in each category and pick the 10 traits that are the most crucial. Ugh! This was REALLY hard for me to do, most of them seemed to be deal breakers, but I think I did my best in making my list. In no particular order....
1. Tall/Dark/Dark Hair/Handsome/Big Upper Body
2. Adventurous
3. Loving
4. Smart/Computer Genius/Wants to Learn New Things
5. Social/Life of the Party/Extrovert
6. Funny/Humorous/Makes Me Laugh
7. Financially Blessed
8. Spends Money Wisely
9. Spoils His Mate/Himself
10. Looks for New Ways to Make Money
Now, apparently, you're supposed to narrow them down to the top 5 non-negotiables. Really? Lol. It was tough enough to get down to 10....they are in order this time....
1. Loving
2. Social/Life of the Party/Extrovert
3. Funny/Humorous/Mkes Me Laugh
4. Financially Blessed
5. Spoils His Mate/Himself
Monday, September 26, 2011
Day 5: Dating Detox
When I'm interested in my reading material, I can't help but read too much too soon. So, now in Chapter 4, when I really should be just focused on Chapter's 1 and 2, I have found another assignment, which really does go along with my current phase of the program. It is basically to analyze the first two homework assignments to come up with a list of 5 most important in the categories: spiritual, physical, emotional, intellectual and financial. So, here is what I've come up with as most important to me. Notice, the spiritual category is probably the least of my concerns and therefore has only 4 listed.
Spiritual:
spiritual not religious
law of attraction/power of universe
open to exploring spirituality through meditation
positive spirit and energy
Physical:
tall/dark/dark hair/handsome/big upper body
would try anything once
attention to detail/dresses well
adventurous
wants to workout and have a healthy lifestyle
Emotional:
loving
attentive
wants to spend time together
matches me sexually/wants to make love all the time
loves and gets along well with his family/has no or older kids
Intellectual:
smart/computer genius/wants to learn new things
musically inclined
social/life of the party/extrovert
funny/humorous/makes me laugh
in depth conversations about everything
Financial:
financially blessed
has a home/owns property
spends money wisely
spoils his mate/himself
looks for new ways to make money
Spiritual:
spiritual not religious
law of attraction/power of universe
open to exploring spirituality through meditation
positive spirit and energy
Physical:
tall/dark/dark hair/handsome/big upper body
would try anything once
attention to detail/dresses well
adventurous
wants to workout and have a healthy lifestyle
Emotional:
loving
attentive
wants to spend time together
matches me sexually/wants to make love all the time
loves and gets along well with his family/has no or older kids
Intellectual:
smart/computer genius/wants to learn new things
musically inclined
social/life of the party/extrovert
funny/humorous/makes me laugh
in depth conversations about everything
Financial:
financially blessed
has a home/owns property
spends money wisely
spoils his mate/himself
looks for new ways to make money
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Day 4: Dating Detox
I so love Sunday Funday! I almost always hang out with mostly singles, though two of our own are currently dating themselves. It was not so hard over the weekend in hanging with the fam, but I have to say that today is more difficult. In football season, women are forced to look really cute in a jersey, though I'm wearing a dress, hoping someone will want to talk to me, but as we all know, football is way too important. But, as I am dating myself, I look forward to the game being over and Gossip Girl beginning.
Of course I have many chores and other Sunday things to accomplish, I know that my time with the singles will soon be done and the work week and heavy workout and healthy eating regime will begin! As a matter of fact,before GG, I have to get some groceries to cook many healthy meals that I will consume over the next week. Till I get home, I may as well try to pay attention to the game and make myself seem cooler.....
On the next note, can the saints just win so me and my BFF just speak again. Ugh? And maybe then can everyone all just have a good time. Lol.
Finally, the music has resumed and the shopping is about to begin....happy singledom!
Of course I have many chores and other Sunday things to accomplish, I know that my time with the singles will soon be done and the work week and heavy workout and healthy eating regime will begin! As a matter of fact,before GG, I have to get some groceries to cook many healthy meals that I will consume over the next week. Till I get home, I may as well try to pay attention to the game and make myself seem cooler.....
On the next note, can the saints just win so me and my BFF just speak again. Ugh? And maybe then can everyone all just have a good time. Lol.
Finally, the music has resumed and the shopping is about to begin....happy singledom!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Day 3: Dating Detox
The next exercise that I worked on is dealing with your values, what's important to you and what do you need in a person. The five categories are: spiritual, physical, emotional, intellectual and financial. This is what's important to me.
Spiritual: spiritual not religious, knows the law of attraction and the power of the universe, open to exploring spirituality through meditation, positive energy and spirit about him
Physical: tall, dark, handsome, dark hair, big broad (fit but not necessarily huge muscles) chest, dresses well, wants to workout and have a healthy lifestyle
Emotional: loving, attentive, someone who wants to spend time together, make love all of the time, matches me sexually; loves and gets along well with his family, has no kids or older ones
Intellectual: smart, funny, life of the party, wants to continuously learn new things, gramatically correct, musically inclined, wants to have in depth conversations
Financial: financially blessed, has a home of his own, spends money wisely, budget conscious but likes to have fun, looking for new ventures and investments
Everything is going according to plan. I feel like I've made a good decision, and the book is such a great read that I can't put it down! I look forward to more days to come!!!
Spiritual: spiritual not religious, knows the law of attraction and the power of the universe, open to exploring spirituality through meditation, positive energy and spirit about him
Physical: tall, dark, handsome, dark hair, big broad (fit but not necessarily huge muscles) chest, dresses well, wants to workout and have a healthy lifestyle
Emotional: loving, attentive, someone who wants to spend time together, make love all of the time, matches me sexually; loves and gets along well with his family, has no kids or older ones
Intellectual: smart, funny, life of the party, wants to continuously learn new things, gramatically correct, musically inclined, wants to have in depth conversations
Financial: financially blessed, has a home of his own, spends money wisely, budget conscious but likes to have fun, looking for new ventures and investments
Everything is going according to plan. I feel like I've made a good decision, and the book is such a great read that I can't put it down! I look forward to more days to come!!!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Day 2: Dating Detox
First Assignment: Take 5 of your significant relationships and list 5 reasons that attracted and kept you with them and 5 reasons you needed to end the relationship. I did my best to only have 5, but sometimes there is more that needs to be added. The bold lettering means another person had the same trait, which is important in determining any patterns, etc. Due to the sensitive nature of the lists, I have renamed these men, just incase. Lol
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60 Day Dating Detox
So, I started reading Patti Stanger's Become Your Own Matchmaker today, and I'm committing to Patti's plan. I have been in a relationship for two and a half years, which means I have to be on Dating Detox for 60 days. I have to admit I was slightly stunned by this since he and I broke up a few months ago, but considering I was going to secretively run away with the guy and get married just to stay together, I kind of find it refreshing to "date myself for 60 days!"
I have to admit, in this day and age, going without physical connection from another person might just kill me, but Patti knows her stuff, so I'm going to commit to this whether I like it or not. I know I have to let the past go and discover exactly what I want so I can recognize it when it walks into my life. So, here we go Patti!
Day 1: Because I'm such an incredible student, I probably read too much too soon. I know this is not necessarily in my best interest, but I have to know what the road map looks like. And, if I'm not allowed to date, or fulfill any of my sexual desires by another party, I have to consider why I'm giving it up. I've seen enough episodes to know there is no sex before an exclusive relationship, and since I'm dating myself, I'm kind of screwed in that department for many months. But since she's the relationship guru, I'm willing to do what it takes to meet my soul mate.
So, I vow to bring you guys along this journey of mine for 60 days. Patti is right, the second you exude happiness and declare no sex, it brings itself to you. It's like a drug addict wanting to be sober, but the dealer always finds his way to you. Tonight in hanging with two of my best friends, one guy and one girl, my guy BFF tells me he's going skinny dipping after dinner. I so wanted to go and even said, "I'm in!" when my girl BFF said, "Aimee, this is not a good idea!" And, she was right. I've committed to being by myself for at least 60 days, and until I have found my soul mate and we are exclusive, I will not be having any sexual activity of any kind.
So dear friends and followers, I am looking forward to some encouragement. I've never been a person to deny myself of anything. And, though I'm sort of scared of this challenge, I will somehow make it work. Patti knows her shit! I will check in daily because this is the only way I can account for any feelings/desires/wishes I may encounter on this journey. I hope everyone is supportive, and I apprecate any help in becoming a strong, non-sexual, woman in the next, which feels like forever, several months.
Sincerely,
Aimee
Cheers to ME and my sweet self for 60 days!
I have to admit, in this day and age, going without physical connection from another person might just kill me, but Patti knows her stuff, so I'm going to commit to this whether I like it or not. I know I have to let the past go and discover exactly what I want so I can recognize it when it walks into my life. So, here we go Patti!
Day 1: Because I'm such an incredible student, I probably read too much too soon. I know this is not necessarily in my best interest, but I have to know what the road map looks like. And, if I'm not allowed to date, or fulfill any of my sexual desires by another party, I have to consider why I'm giving it up. I've seen enough episodes to know there is no sex before an exclusive relationship, and since I'm dating myself, I'm kind of screwed in that department for many months. But since she's the relationship guru, I'm willing to do what it takes to meet my soul mate.
So, I vow to bring you guys along this journey of mine for 60 days. Patti is right, the second you exude happiness and declare no sex, it brings itself to you. It's like a drug addict wanting to be sober, but the dealer always finds his way to you. Tonight in hanging with two of my best friends, one guy and one girl, my guy BFF tells me he's going skinny dipping after dinner. I so wanted to go and even said, "I'm in!" when my girl BFF said, "Aimee, this is not a good idea!" And, she was right. I've committed to being by myself for at least 60 days, and until I have found my soul mate and we are exclusive, I will not be having any sexual activity of any kind.
So dear friends and followers, I am looking forward to some encouragement. I've never been a person to deny myself of anything. And, though I'm sort of scared of this challenge, I will somehow make it work. Patti knows her shit! I will check in daily because this is the only way I can account for any feelings/desires/wishes I may encounter on this journey. I hope everyone is supportive, and I apprecate any help in becoming a strong, non-sexual, woman in the next, which feels like forever, several months.
Sincerely,
Aimee
Cheers to ME and my sweet self for 60 days!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
6 Ways to Supersize Your Self-Control
"No mimosa for me. I have to go running after brunch."
"Dessert? I'm too full from dinner."
"Sorry, can't make happy hour; I'm off to Spinning class."
We all know a friend who seems immune to the siren song of cocktails, cupcakes, and canapes. Wouldn't you like to know her secret? Shh...She's found a new muscle to flex: her willpower. That's right. Researchers have found that you can chisel your self-control just as you do your quads or biceps. "With practice your self-control muscle becomes less flabby, so you have the strength you need to stick with a weight-loss or exercise program," says Nathan DeWall, PhD, assistant professor of social psychology at the University of Kentucky in Lexington. We asked leaders in the field of self-regulation (that's scientist-speak for self-control) to share simple exercises that will bolster your resolve. Soon you'll be the one trading daiquiris for Diet Cokes and rising with the sun to do your morning run.
1. Boost Your Brain Power
"Meditation requires you to tap all of the self-regulation systems in your brain as well as the self-monitoring mechanism," says Kelly McGonigal, PhD, a health psychologist at Stanford University and author of the forthcoming The Willpower Instinct. Every time you meditate, you use two important parts of your brain: the prefrontal cortex, which helps you make smart choices, and the anterior cingulate cortex, which helps you be aware of when you make such choices and when you don't. The more you activate these systems, the more powerful they become, so in the future it will feel easier to do the right thing. "Eventually you will start to notice whenever you are doing something that is inconsistent with your goals," McGonigal says.
Work Your Will: Meditate for just one minute every day this week. Here's how to get started: Sit quietly with your eyes closed and count your breaths. When you reach 10, begin again. Whenever your mind wanders from your breath, start again at one. Work up to five minutes a day.
2. Be a Skeptical DreamerWhen it comes to goal setting, are you: (a) a wishful thinker (you fantasize about wearing your skinny jeans again) or (b) a complainer (you focus on how hard it is to resist food at parties and worry that people will think you are no fun)? Either of these attitudes can derail you on your way to your goal, but oddly enough, adopting both at once may have the opposite effect. People who imagine succeeding and then reflect on the obstacles facing them are more inspired to reach a goal than those who do solely one or the other, researchers from New York University in New York City and the University of Hamburg in Germany discovered.
Work Your Will: Have a weight loss goal? Imagine how good you'll feel when you fit into your old jeans. Feel them sliding effortlessly over your hips; hear your friend telling you how great you look. Now think about what stands in the way: the office vending machine at 2 p.m.; skipping your morning run because you stayed out too late the night before; or, you know, just cheese. Now you're ready for the next self-control sculptor: Create an if-then game plan.
3. Play the "What if?" GameDevising a plan B helps you cope with situations that may undo you (cocktails on Friday night) because it shifts the decision-making moment from the danger zone (when the bartender asks if you would like one more mojito) to a point in time when you're in touch with what you want to achieve (before you even set foot in the bar). That's what New York University researchers discovered in their study of students who wanted to eat less junk food. When the students thought through tempting scenarios in advance and made if-then plans specifying how to overcome these temptations, it was easier for them to stick to their healthy choices later.
Work Your Will: Jot down the obstacles on the road to your skinny jeans, then write down an if-then plan for sidestepping each one.
4. Make Healthy Decisions EasierPractice reframing the choices you give yourself. When faced with a doughnut, don't ask yourself "Do I want that chocolate-frosted or not?" The only reward in that equation is the doughnut, and our bodies have been hard-wired over years of evolution to seek rewards such as food and sex to keep us alive. "When the brain identifies a reward, it shifts into a state of intense focus and drive," says McGonigal. You can use that drive to your advantage simply by changing the reward in any given situation. Make the choice "Do I want to be one more step closer to my dream body or not?" "It's easier to go after something you want than something you don't want," McGonigal says.
Work Your Will: When temptation strikes, ID a positive reward that will help you sidestep it. If a friend invites you to happy hour but you're trying to cut back on empty calories, change the focus from food to friendship. There's no law that says you must drink three martinis so that you can hang with your pals. Order a seltzer and start slinging the gossip; that's really what you wanted anyway!
5. See Temptation in a New LightIn the 1960s, self-control researchers at Stanford University made a groundbreaking discovery: You can keep four-year-olds from gobbling sweets by giving them a new perspective. Walter Mischel, PhD, now professor of psychology at Columbia University, left kids alone in a room with a marshmallow that they were told not to eat in order to get two marshmallows later. Most kids found it almost impossible to wait. If before leaving the room the researcher suggested that the children focus on qualities the treat possessed that didn't make their mouths water -- that it was puffy and white, like a cloud or a cotton ball, for example -- they were able to hold off twice as long before chowing down. Adults can reframe temptations, too.
Work Your Will: Squash cravings by steering your thoughts away from how yummy a food is. When you see a cupcake, focus on its gorgeous decoration instead of how delicious that frosting must be. At a friend's party, think about how much work she put into that guacamole, not how awesome it would be on a tortilla chip. What if you're at a restaurant and your companions want to share dessert? When the apple tart arrives, taking time to appreciate the presentation will defeat the impulse to dig in immediately.
6. Be Your Own Best FriendIf you learn to treat yourself with kindness when you experience a setback, it will be easier to get back on track after a moment of weakness. "People who blow their diet and then beat themselves up about it actually eat more, because they feel so bad about themselves," says Kristin Neff, PhD, associate professor in human development and culture at the University of Texas at Austin.
Work Your Will: "We know how to encourage other people and build up their confidence," Neff says. What would you do if a friend were upset that she had skipped her workouts for a week? You'd give her a hug, tell her a week isn't so bad, and encourage her to go to the gym the next day. Chances are you're not nearly as supportive of yourself when it comes to slip-ups. "A lot of people don't realize how critical their self-talk is," Neff says. Learn to be your own cheerleader: Write down the things you say to yourself when you fall short of your goals, then rewrite them as if you were talking to a pal. And while you're at it, figure out what you're going to say when your friends ask you the secret of your rock-solid willpower.
Read more: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/6-ways-to-supersize-your-self-control-2550163/
"Dessert? I'm too full from dinner."
"Sorry, can't make happy hour; I'm off to Spinning class."
We all know a friend who seems immune to the siren song of cocktails, cupcakes, and canapes. Wouldn't you like to know her secret? Shh...She's found a new muscle to flex: her willpower. That's right. Researchers have found that you can chisel your self-control just as you do your quads or biceps. "With practice your self-control muscle becomes less flabby, so you have the strength you need to stick with a weight-loss or exercise program," says Nathan DeWall, PhD, assistant professor of social psychology at the University of Kentucky in Lexington. We asked leaders in the field of self-regulation (that's scientist-speak for self-control) to share simple exercises that will bolster your resolve. Soon you'll be the one trading daiquiris for Diet Cokes and rising with the sun to do your morning run.
1. Boost Your Brain Power
"Meditation requires you to tap all of the self-regulation systems in your brain as well as the self-monitoring mechanism," says Kelly McGonigal, PhD, a health psychologist at Stanford University and author of the forthcoming The Willpower Instinct. Every time you meditate, you use two important parts of your brain: the prefrontal cortex, which helps you make smart choices, and the anterior cingulate cortex, which helps you be aware of when you make such choices and when you don't. The more you activate these systems, the more powerful they become, so in the future it will feel easier to do the right thing. "Eventually you will start to notice whenever you are doing something that is inconsistent with your goals," McGonigal says.
Work Your Will: Meditate for just one minute every day this week. Here's how to get started: Sit quietly with your eyes closed and count your breaths. When you reach 10, begin again. Whenever your mind wanders from your breath, start again at one. Work up to five minutes a day.
2. Be a Skeptical DreamerWhen it comes to goal setting, are you: (a) a wishful thinker (you fantasize about wearing your skinny jeans again) or (b) a complainer (you focus on how hard it is to resist food at parties and worry that people will think you are no fun)? Either of these attitudes can derail you on your way to your goal, but oddly enough, adopting both at once may have the opposite effect. People who imagine succeeding and then reflect on the obstacles facing them are more inspired to reach a goal than those who do solely one or the other, researchers from New York University in New York City and the University of Hamburg in Germany discovered.
Work Your Will: Have a weight loss goal? Imagine how good you'll feel when you fit into your old jeans. Feel them sliding effortlessly over your hips; hear your friend telling you how great you look. Now think about what stands in the way: the office vending machine at 2 p.m.; skipping your morning run because you stayed out too late the night before; or, you know, just cheese. Now you're ready for the next self-control sculptor: Create an if-then game plan.
3. Play the "What if?" GameDevising a plan B helps you cope with situations that may undo you (cocktails on Friday night) because it shifts the decision-making moment from the danger zone (when the bartender asks if you would like one more mojito) to a point in time when you're in touch with what you want to achieve (before you even set foot in the bar). That's what New York University researchers discovered in their study of students who wanted to eat less junk food. When the students thought through tempting scenarios in advance and made if-then plans specifying how to overcome these temptations, it was easier for them to stick to their healthy choices later.
Work Your Will: Jot down the obstacles on the road to your skinny jeans, then write down an if-then plan for sidestepping each one.
4. Make Healthy Decisions EasierPractice reframing the choices you give yourself. When faced with a doughnut, don't ask yourself "Do I want that chocolate-frosted or not?" The only reward in that equation is the doughnut, and our bodies have been hard-wired over years of evolution to seek rewards such as food and sex to keep us alive. "When the brain identifies a reward, it shifts into a state of intense focus and drive," says McGonigal. You can use that drive to your advantage simply by changing the reward in any given situation. Make the choice "Do I want to be one more step closer to my dream body or not?" "It's easier to go after something you want than something you don't want," McGonigal says.
Work Your Will: When temptation strikes, ID a positive reward that will help you sidestep it. If a friend invites you to happy hour but you're trying to cut back on empty calories, change the focus from food to friendship. There's no law that says you must drink three martinis so that you can hang with your pals. Order a seltzer and start slinging the gossip; that's really what you wanted anyway!
5. See Temptation in a New LightIn the 1960s, self-control researchers at Stanford University made a groundbreaking discovery: You can keep four-year-olds from gobbling sweets by giving them a new perspective. Walter Mischel, PhD, now professor of psychology at Columbia University, left kids alone in a room with a marshmallow that they were told not to eat in order to get two marshmallows later. Most kids found it almost impossible to wait. If before leaving the room the researcher suggested that the children focus on qualities the treat possessed that didn't make their mouths water -- that it was puffy and white, like a cloud or a cotton ball, for example -- they were able to hold off twice as long before chowing down. Adults can reframe temptations, too.
Work Your Will: Squash cravings by steering your thoughts away from how yummy a food is. When you see a cupcake, focus on its gorgeous decoration instead of how delicious that frosting must be. At a friend's party, think about how much work she put into that guacamole, not how awesome it would be on a tortilla chip. What if you're at a restaurant and your companions want to share dessert? When the apple tart arrives, taking time to appreciate the presentation will defeat the impulse to dig in immediately.
6. Be Your Own Best FriendIf you learn to treat yourself with kindness when you experience a setback, it will be easier to get back on track after a moment of weakness. "People who blow their diet and then beat themselves up about it actually eat more, because they feel so bad about themselves," says Kristin Neff, PhD, associate professor in human development and culture at the University of Texas at Austin.
Work Your Will: "We know how to encourage other people and build up their confidence," Neff says. What would you do if a friend were upset that she had skipped her workouts for a week? You'd give her a hug, tell her a week isn't so bad, and encourage her to go to the gym the next day. Chances are you're not nearly as supportive of yourself when it comes to slip-ups. "A lot of people don't realize how critical their self-talk is," Neff says. Learn to be your own cheerleader: Write down the things you say to yourself when you fall short of your goals, then rewrite them as if you were talking to a pal. And while you're at it, figure out what you're going to say when your friends ask you the secret of your rock-solid willpower.
Read more: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/6-ways-to-supersize-your-self-control-2550163/
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