15 Things You Need to Do Before You Have Kids

Stop being so self-righteous. When you see a mom or dad struggling with a tantrum-throwing kid in the airport or at the drugstore, don't roll your eyes and think, My kid would never do that. Because he will. I guarantee it.

 

Go on a wine-tasting tour at a vineyard. There's nothing fun for a kid about sitting still and being quiet while you sip something they can't. And those little wine crackers only entertain them for so long.

 

Go skydiving/bungee jumping/swimming with sharks.… or whatever other crazy, life-risking thing you've got on your bucket list. These activities are frowned upon when you've got little ones at home who kind of depend on your not being injured. Or dead. So file under "before baby".

 

Hit the hot bars and restaurants you haven't gotten around to yet. Sure, you'll get out to eat when you have kids. But when there's a sitter on the clock, you're more likely to pick a place you know will get you in and out, and not, say, that new pop-up restaurant 45 minutes away where they cook everything with a single match.

 

Appreciate the bathroom — alone. This one bears repeating. Seriously. Revel in the aloneness.

 

Take a road trip. Anywhere. Together or solo, it doesn't matter — just relish in the complete silence or blast whatever kid-unfriendly music you like. Stop only when you want to or you need to, and enjoy the freedom. The car will never be the same post-baby.

 

Be spontaneous. If someone says, "Let's do ____." Do ____. Because you can.

 

Spend an entire day in bed together watching movies. You will likely never do this once you have kids unless A) you have the flu, in which case, not so enjoyable, or B) your kid has the flu, in which case said movies will likely feature talking rodents. Again, not so enjoyable.

 

Have boozy lunches with friends. You'll probably try this once you have kids, and it will seem great … until you get home and realize you still have to parent and bedtime isn't for another five hours. D'oh!

 

Feed your minimalist side. Get a white chair/couch/rug/anything else you wouldn't want stained. Leave your wineglass or coffee cup on it and watch it not get knocked over. Enjoy it while you can, because once there's a little one tottering around, you can kiss it good-bye!

 

Have morning sex. And doors-open sex. And not-in-the-bedroom sex. And loud sex. Sure, you'll still have sex post-kids. But most of these particular sex flavors will go off the menu when the little ones arrive, so partake while you can.

 

Be the last ones to leave the party. No matter what you say now, as a couple with kids, you'll be calling it a night long before your baby-free friends. (Trust me, you won't have it in you, and even if you do, people will talk.) That means missing out on those crazy-fun hours when all the really fun nonsense happens, also known as the stuff you reminisce about once you have kids.

 

Fly first class. Everyone deserves to board the plane first (without a stroller, car seat and screaming kid), eat warm nuts and drink free beverages at least once in their life. And even if you can afford it, it's just wrong to fly first class with a tot (people don't spend all the extra cash to listen to crying babies the whole time). Promise you won't be those parents!

 

Wear silk, cashmere and dry-clean-only clothing…as much as you possibly can, while you still can. Kids can get their gunk on you without even making contact. It's one of their many superpowers.

 

Take a career risk. Go for the promotion, the career change or any other work-related risk that will feel too risky once there are dependents involved. You have the rest of your life to worry about income, stability and paying for diapers and college. Take advantage of this time to pursue your passions or figure out whatever the hell it is you want to do.

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